Alex Berne got us in, Pink Jesus got us out

Living in New York has the ‘crazy’ perks that any other boring city cannot offer.
When I say ‘crazy’ perks, I mean those rare events that you get to enjoy on a random night with friends.
My husband and I were invited to a live music show from a Dominican friend. Please, bear in mind that we knew the music style and tunes level that our friend’s music offers, so we were happy to attend and enjoy guitar playing with solo singing: a Latino John Mayer style.
We arrived at Bar East a bit early and decided to go in and wait for Alex Berne’s show.
When going down the stairs (I forgot to mention that the bar was in a basement), we started to hear this noise: It cannot be described as music, rather a deafening sound that threaten to overwhelm you.
I grab a hold on the stair’s handrail so I wouldn’t fall on my ass, because I literally felt that I was pushed backwards by the music.
“Pink Jesus” was playing hard core, thunderous music; and we were caught up trying to decide if we should wait outside or lose our hearing abilities.
It was definitely one or the other; because there was no way that the noise they were making wouldn’t damage our eardrums completely.
“Pink Jesus” was definitely not performing church songs, or soft, slow tunes.
I turn and run for the door; I stumble a bit (as usual) since I was wearing high heels (I would’ve stumble anyhow), and got outside a bit short of breath and grabbing my ears.
My husband was right behind me, laughing like crazy. He couldn’t decide which was better: “Pink Jesus” singing heavy rock, or his wife, running for her ears’ life.
Sad to say that we had to wait at least thirty more minutes for Alex Berne’s show, but at least, we kept our distance from the Jesus guys and their NOT pink music.
The performance of our friend was totally worth it!

Ears safe 'n Sound

www.alexbernemusic.com

Plátano, Plátano!

One of the perks of having friends from all over the world is that when we get together there’s never a dull moment.

We try to keep our nights-out interesting by choosing restaurants from every possible place of the world.

So far we’ve tried Russian food, Lebanese, Argentinean, Italian and our most recent choice: a Dominican place recommended by my husband, so we could experience the culinary offers of his home country.

The restaurant was located on Downtown Manhattan, and we arrived at the place twenty minutes late after having hunted around for parking spots on the area: there were none.

On the other hand, it was out of the question to arrive on time, since Latinos are know for their unpunctuality, so we couldn’t brake the tradition and arrive on schedule: impossible!!

My husband was in charge of ordering for the whole group and his recommendations were diverse and abundant (Latin Americans don’t practice the word: moderation) and C.T.’s husband was asking questions left to right:

‘What’s this?’ ‘What’s in it?’, ‘is it spicy?’; he even asked if we could provide the recipe for some of  the Dominican dishes.

Needless to say he was appreciating the food and what the ‘Dominican style’ cooking had to offer.

C.T.’s husband is from Germany and since they only have ‘wurst’ and hot ‘bier’ there, tasting black beans and sweet plantains was a blast to his palate and his stomach.

The dish that most caught his attention was plantains. Dominicans eat it mature or green, fried or sautéed, pureed or sliced. Any way you want it, they serve it.

My husband, caught up on the emotion of having such an enthusiastic commensal, started saying the Spanish word for plantain out loud:
Plátano! (pride and joy on his voice)

And H.T. would repeat:

Plátano! (German smile on his face)

My dear hubby, enthusiastic as he is, tried to do a fist pump with him and offered H.T. his knuckles looking for the returning pump, but H.T. (caught up in the moment I’m sure) thought that my husband was offering him a ‘hand microphone’, so he put his face near my husband’s hand and said:

Plátano! Plátano! (Still showing the German smile on his face)

We couldn’t contain the giggles and hard on laughs for the next twenty minutes.

 We spent the rest of our dinnertime, doing several impersonifications of H.T.’s ‘plátano episode’ and trying to come up with other situations were the ‘hand microphone’ was used and one of us would shout:
Plátano!, and that would be enough to bring us back to grabbing our bellies and laughing to tears.

Soccer, my father and me

We are born fanatics.

This, I learned while accompanying my father on a three-hour ride every Sunday for a soccer match.

I was seven years old and after such a long trip, I was bored out of my mind, but the excitement to see him play and score a goal was incredible.

Going with my father to his soccer matches was an adventure, we had fun and we played hard.

However, not all is enjoyable for us girls regarding the all-loving sport of our fathers.

The establishments where soccer was played (a long time ago) were created for men; decent bathrooms were rare commodities and  ‘bushes’ or ‘holes’ were our best friends.

We squatted around and did our business: that was the way for my child-self.

My sisters and I ate hot dogs with candy until we were bursting full, and then, we seated around the field (while holding our tummies) to admire the beauty of a game that, for us, was dangerous and enticing at the same level.

Amateurs’ games sometimes ended with 31 total scored goals (an outstanding number that we thought was the way - even Professional soccer - was played), and while sometimes our father was not part of the winning team, the emotion that filled the space around them, with victory cheers, hugs and back slaps made us happy nevertheless.

The winning team would take home a big golden cup, proof that even without formal training, they could be – for just a little while – the champions of their world.

My father was our childhood hero.

He was born a fan and has tried to teach us to be fans: loving the game, the emotions, the excitement, the scores and the team.

He might not have succeeded to make me a fanatic of his soccer team, but I’m a soccer follower, and even at 5,000 miles away from my home, when Argentina plays,

I still feel that I’m rooting for my father, who sometimes won, but others just played hard but lost.

My father who was born a fan, and will die one.

Note: this is my first article published at Revista 10 www.facebook.com/revista10

Bostera: female follower and fan of Boca Juniors soccer team

Most soccer fans are born to be followers of their father’s favorite team.

If you were born a girl, then your team of choice will be bestowed upon you, without conflict nor expected revelry.

You had the obligation to be a proud admirer of that unknown team that you neither learned to love nor impressed you with their winning strikes; rather by what your father thought was the best team that you could possibly be an aficionada of.

I was born a rebel and it was imparted, upon my birth, the admiration towards Independiente, an Argentinean team winner of seven Libertadores Cups, three of which, were consecutive victories. This achievement was enough for my father’s standards, but me, being an insurgent, decided that other options were better suited for my soccer criteria.

When I turned sixteen, at the prime of my rebellion, our father decided to take my family and I to Independiente’s soccer stadium for an out–of-season friendly match.

Our opponent was Boca Juniors, one of the most successful clubs in Argentina and in the world, having won 41 official titles at the national and international level.

Boca was playing with their substitute team so it was a safe bet for Independiente; hence, the interest of my father to make us witnesses of a predicted blood-bath for Boca, and finally convert us to his team.

Our seats were located just across Boca’s supporters and I was mesmerized by the enthusiasm of their songs and surprised that just in the middle of it all, there was an empty space, unoccupied and waiting to be claimed.

Independiente’s side was full, complete; however, Boca was waiting for their honor guest: La Doce, the team’s barra brava and most fervent supporter.

Minutes before the game, a commotion started across the field and I had premium seats for the development: La Doce begun to climb the stairs towards their seats, while singing and waving their team’s flag, declaring its rightful place on Independiente’s soccer stadium.

A proud and fearless supporter; tireless on the task to overwhelm their rivals with melodic weapons.

That night, Independiente lost 3-1 against Boca’s substitute team.

La Doce never stopped chanting and undulating their flag, even when Independiente scored his first (and only) goal.

La Doce vibrated harder and stronger than Independiente’s supporting public. I had goose bumps the whole duration of the game.

My twin sister and I became proud followers of Boca Juniors.

I don’t have a clue where they’re in the soccer charts, if they’re winning or loosing, which players its team has, if they changed the coach or attire, but of one thing I’m completely sure: La Doce is surely rocking the stands.

Battery Dog... NOT!

I’ve always been proud of my dog.
Everyone loves Buono. He’s like a teddy bear… but from the canine breed.
All white hair, plushy and soft. He’s also really intelligent (when he wants to be) and looks at you like if he’s having a conversation:  concentrated on what you’re saying.
Our German guests have been making fun of him and since Friday, Buono has received a new nick name: the battery dog.

-          Where is the off-switch? – they ask me – Is there an App to remotely control him?

-          There’s an App for that! – they say all proud of their wittiness – I control Buono from my iPhone seated in the couch.

Ha.
Ha.
Ha.

I am outraged over this. The private joke goes around daily and all I do is defend my dog.
And Buono is not helping because when they joke about him, he just moves his tail and jumps around: likes he enjoys being the center of attention!

Plueze.. don’t help me that much.

I have a plan of attack though: when the Buono App joke appears into the discussion, I’ll just play dumb, but when they’re out and about buying all of New York to fit on their overflowing bags, Buono will be rolling around their beds, playing with his toys over the pillows or pooping all over the balcony so they can’t go out and take some fresh air.

I’ll make sure he gets his revenge. Count on it.

The battery dog will become the revenge dog, and of course there’s an App for that: ME!

Dominican style

My husband and I went to the airport to pick up some friends that came from Germany to visit the big apple.

One thing that we’ve learned during these past three years is that visitors enter the country with light weight luggage and small suitcases; but leave it with overweighted bags and lots of small stuffs hanging from every possible place.
Most importantly, they wear a lot of clothes on them: to make the travel weight of their baggages more efficient. It doesn’t matter if it’s 30°C degrees outside; they wear jackets and coats like its winter.

Our surprise came when at the arrival of our friends, we realized they had four bags and all of them were really heavy. They hadn’t even started the shopping spree yet, but they were already doomed for overweight charges.
We tried to get everything in our car, but our efforts were futile and we ended up all crammed inside like in a sardine can.

Dominican style!

That’s how we referred to the situation, being that in my husband’s home country, the public transportation is performed by these small, crappy, old cars, that carry five people (minimum), and you have to force yourself inside and pray to god the door will close and you’ll arrive to your destination safe and sound.

 Our car is not small - in comparison to the Dominican ‘conchos’ - but the over stacking of luggage, plus passengers, added to all the knick and knacks they were carrying, we ended up arriving with cramps and back pains, all thanks to the uncomfortable positions we withheld for the forty-five minutes ride to our home.

Bengay and Icy-Hot for me.
Regards from an invalid hostess with a whole week ahead of moaning and bitching about the nuisances of Dominican style traveling.

Nutered or Neutered?

Our dog was neutered this past week.
It’s a simple procedure where in twenty minutes time under heavy anaesthesia, they remove one of his male parts and he’s left emasculated with a plastic cone around his neck to show for it.

I’m not laughing when I see him crash against the walls, crash against the floor or crash against us… at least, not on the outside.

It seems awful of me, but believe me: I can’t help it.

I’m being all tender with him: giving him treats, brushing his hair, and petting him more than usual to compensate for the cone-wearing state I have left him after a visit to the Vet.
My husband chastises me all the time because I stifle some giggles while helping Buono get onto his bed or while playing whit him and seeing how he can’t pick-up his favourite toy from the ground.

His cone is always on his way, he can’t even eat properly but growls at me when I get near his food.
I’ve come up with a strategy to make him learn faster how to properly walk for the next ten days: every time he has to walk some place and bums into chairs or the table, I grab his cone, and help him walk while saying: “up, up, keep it up”.

He looks at me with annoyance in his face, most surely thinking: how is it possible that I’m the uncoordinated one now?

Buono knows that I can’t walk straight and am always stumbling onto something.

I’ve seen him dreadfully looking at me when I’m stepping over him, afraid that I might fall over and make dog-puree out of him.

Now, I’m the one on the lookout, keeping an eye for “the cone”, hoping for him not to bump me from behind, because we’ll end up, both of us, splattered onto the floor: the clumsy one and the cone-head.

 Clumsy-Cone Puree

Tap-Water, Video and Meringue

Last Friday we celebrated C.T.’s B-day.
Our group is compound by three couples with very different backgrounds.

My husband who’s from Dominican Republic, C.T.’s husband who’s from Germany, and R.B.’s husband who’s from Switzerland. Me and my girlfriends are the only ones 100% pure Argentineans in the lot.

Every time we get together, I find these new and amazing facts about their lives that surprise me: like when I came across the fact that R.B.’s husband might (or might not) has been a Swiss porn start; his acting career reduced to only one line on the big screen: Aufmerksamkeit (Attention!).

One can only imagine the circumstances when this line was delivered.

Or this other time, when C.T.’s husband was found to have a weakness for Kahlua with berry juice: some story about it being an aphrodisiac for one of his early life girlfriends.
As he explained, the drink transformed the so called girl into this ‘experimental’ person.
With that, I came to the conclusion that: first, he’s really old (thirty five years versus our average twenty eight years calls for a lot more experience; experience equals age), second, he wants to see you wasted (he offers alcoholic drinks like candy; Germans have a lot of resistance to alcohol) and third, when being in a ‘happy’ state, he coughs in your face.

I, on the other hand, get stimulated with diet coke and tap-water.

-          Bring on the hard stuff!! – I said, and the waiter kept them coming.

Let me tell you, after seeing me laugh my ass off, everybody wanted to try tap-water straight up.
That’s to show you that you don’t need to get wasted in order to act insane.

My husband, on the other hand, behaves himself as the Prince he is: elbowing away under the table to every misplaced comment I did under my tap-water stupor, and always complaining about the music of choice by the deaf DJ (mostly dreadful Meringue).

R.B. always sits two miles away from her husband on the table, mostly to talk to him (screaming is more like it) over a sea of people and share dishes over everybody else’s dinner. She never heard about discretion and prudence.

C.B. is pregnant so, she finally has a real excuse not to drink (“I’m the designated driver” was getting old so she decided to get pregnant instead), and of course, we pamper her constantly when we’re together.

The night ended at 10:30 pm: to show that we’re crazy-nighters, party-goers, heavy-drinkers and most importantly, getting old.

www.apizz.com

Shoe-icide

My feet are killing me.

I just returned from work and even though I’m wearing flats I still feel like my toes and nails are screaming to get out of dodge.

It’s amazing what a bad inheritance does to your lifestyle.
Instead of being graced with my mother’s thin, narrow feet, I get stuck with my father’s “empanada style” lower extremities.

Having a messed-up base for my contexture in direct contact with the ground makes it almost impossible for me to walk charmingly as a model… not that I have the body (nor the feet for that matter) to achieve this, but as a woman, it’s a must have necessity to present yourself with grace while walking.

My husband knows not to push or criticize neither my posture nor my walking, however, he sometimes asks me to wear these uncomfortable high heels that destroy my feet beyond recognition.

No pedicure can sustain the amount of stress my nails endure daily, and sometimes I find myself polishing them several times a week to beautify them in a futile effort to make them look presentable.
The sole of my feet suffer as well, and sometimes I have to really be on top of them not to develop a second pair of shoes on them as well.

The only characteristic that my feet offer, which saves them from exile, is that the sizes of my toes are perfectly even between each other.
The longest one if my big toe, and the smallest one it’s my pinkie toe.
This feature is a rarity in female foots where sometimes the middle toe is the longest one… but my mother’s genes took a pity on me and at least, they grazed me with that attribute.

So here I am: feet over head in my couch, my husband looks at me from his peripheral vision and makes a smirk; I’m sure he’s laughing on the inside.. My feet, on the other hand, are full-on, completely careless, free as birds, laughing on the outside.

Good bye flats, hello socks!

Be patient... or not

Patience it’s an alien concept for me.

Rather you're patient, or you aren't: there's no in-between.
When reading a book, I sometimes need to scroll down to the end and then I’ll be able to continue reading; knowing that the hero or heroine of my story are having a happy-ever-after ending.

Books are one of my hobbies, and even though I know it’s like an assassination to the whole process of reading a novel, I just can start in the first page if I know that the ending wouldn’t be as satisfying as I expect it to be.

My twin sister and I share this curse.

Even with movies, I have to ask: - How does it end? -

My friends think I’m crazy and they don’t want to spoil the experience for me, but thank god for Google and the “spoilers alert” when reading reviews.

I always look for those because they’re sure to tell you if you’re headed for disappointment.

This particularly impatient side of my personality is not always reflected only on my hobbies, but rather all of my life.

I love surprises, but I prefer to know them ahead of time.

I know: contradiction alert!

 I do my research if I suspect of something; that’s why my husband could never surprise me when he was living abroad and tried to visit me without me knowing of it.

I’m a sucker for romantic gestures, but most of the time I predict them before they happen, so they don’t have the same effect on me.

My husband can usually work his way around my impatience and we’ve gotten to a point where if he asks me NOT to ask him something about anything: I hold my end of the bargain; even though sometimes it costs me my sanity.

What can I say: I wasn’t born in this world to die of a ‘surprised’ heart attack.

So there you have it: I read non-stop, but I always have to know the end of the books, I go to the movies, but I always read the “spoilers alerts” before paying for my ticket and most importantly, I’m never ever going to be caught off guard with a surprise… the last time that happened was when I got engaged, and let me tell you, it wasn’t an easy feast to work around my astonish face and create a reasonable thought to answer one of the most important questions in my life.

Needless to say, I’m NOT looking forward to anything out of the ordinary to make my life exciting.

I just looove happy “everybody knows about” endings.

To write... or not to write... that's the dilemma

I started a non-fiction writing workshop to improve my Spanish writing skills.

Not that I have none, rather that most of the time I create my stories in my head, and all of them are written in English.

I think it’s a phase; something related to the fact that I live and breathe in an English speaking country, and that forces you to doubt when putting your ideas to paper in Spanish.
My stepmom has been pushing for me to change my writing ways and embrace my mother tongue, but it’s proven to be more difficult than I thought.

Today I’m working on my first assignment: I have to write a letter to someone that hasn’t been in contact with me for the past ten years and I have to put him/her up to speed with my life.

Conflict arises when my first sentence comes alive:

"No time, no see"

The Spanish translation for this phrase is not as catchy, so I start over.

Hernán, our teacher, understands my predicament because he’s been living in the USA for a long time and he tries to use examples from several authors (not just Spanish speaking ones) to make a point over a lesson.

In our next class we’ll have to share what we wrote, but I’m worried that mine will look like a battlefield between the Spanish and the English Armada; with a mixture of Spanglish so entangled that I’ll need a dictionary to put it to sense.

Hopefully, we’ll run out of time in class before it’s my turn to present.

If not, there’s always the “bathroom” excuse or the “I don’t feel that well” excuse; men always think that you’re having your period and they leave you alone, oblivious to your lie.

I’ve never performed really well with an audience.
I was never a very good joker, I don’t have charisma to mingle with people, and I don’t feel comfortable being the center of attentions… so blogging and writing are perfect for me.

My sisters are already suggesting blogs to improve my Spanish writing techniques; and my mom sent me a list of books that I’ll have to decide if they’re too boring or worth my effort after I’ve perused them all (she sent me a 3-page document).

My friend, R.B. subscribed me to a magazine from Spain that’s proven to be really helpful… so luckily, it won’t be long until my pen name will be:

Casada pero desempleada.

Hasta la vista!

http://orsai.es/blog/

http://www.hernanii.net/

Ice doesn't help the uncoordinated

When God chose attributes for my complexion, he stared onto my gene pool and though first to teach my father a lesson for wishing so much for a son, and decided to give him twin daughters (he had three before God took pity on him and allow him for two sons).

Then, God said to himself that green eyes and blond hair would be enough beauty to make me feel comfortable, but not proud… he added all my father’s body characteristics (big butt, chubby, awkward legs, bad nails and crooked teeth) and the cherry to the ice cream came when he made me uncoordinated enough to never even master the art of walking properly.

Hence, I had to survive high school and braces at the same time, I never made it to any sports team and I live on a never-ending diet (thanks God, you shouldn’t have bother).

You have to picture an over achiever father with an activities calendar as big as a Triathlon athlete and me, who choses a good reading and coffee over any outdoor activity that involves body effort.

This weekend, my husband decided we should go skiing.

Aside from being the coldest weekend of this winter season, I had no proper clothes for the task and I didn’t want a body injury bad enough to show enthusiasm for his idea.

I have a huge complex… wouldn’t you?

Every sport I had to learn (skiing on water and snow, wave boarding, horse riding, aerobics... walking) was a complete disaster with tears involved, impatient screams, defeat and finally, the achievement that lasted long enough for me to survive and take courage for the next lesson ahead.

So yesterday I had the proper excuse to stay reading and drinking coffee while my husband rode the mountain as an expert (or at least better than me)… but proper didn’t assure me anything, so after much insistence from his part, I decided to give it a try… again (I’m a sucker for ‘pretty please’).

I armored myself with thick pants, scarf, jacket, thermic socks, gloves, proper equipment and headed for the ski slope showing defeat and fear at the same time… disaster was to come and I was willingly walking towards it.

To my surprise, I didn’t even stumbled once… I realized that most of my incoordination came from surviving the wrong teaching lessons and that I wasn’t as incapable as I thought… granted, I’m no sports lover, but needless to say that it was my first enjoyed ski ride.

Our next weekend activities would be beach-laying or mountain-staring or city-contemplation… but for this one weekend, I really enjoyed an outdoor activity with body effort involved.

Winter love, Winter food and Winter city

Marriage, like Lentils and living in a big city, was something I had never thought I would get used to.

I change my mind about New York when I saw the city from the top of the Rockefeller Center, the New Year’s Eve when my husband (by then Fiancée) proposed to me... some three years ago.

From then on, I was a devoted fan of this amazing metropolis and all it had to offer.

Even so, I miss my Caribbean weather… more now that we’re in winter; but New York has grown on me... whatever that means.

Regarding marriage… it took being in love with my husband to make me change my mind about that one.

I was always this independent spirit, never ready to be ‘dominated’ by the male inhabitants of the world, but now, I found it exciting: two people, together, as one.

They say you get used to your wedding ring, but I hope that’s not true.

Since the day I changed from Miss to Mrs., it’s a proud trophy that I carry with me everyday – except when I visit my family in Argentina… security is not one of this country’s major assets -.

I’m where I’m supposed to be. 

I’m happy, I’m content. I’m fulfilled.

As lentils go… I’m still waiting.

Holiday recapitulation

‘Drinkcember’ started with a Brunch in our house.

Some friends were invited and by 1 pm we were all tipsy from the Bellinis (crazy stuff, uhhh)… the bagels and omelets absorbed the little alcohol we were drinking and by 4 pm, it was already dark and my husband and I were exhausted, splayed on the couch, watching TV.
As you can see, it’s a risky business being in our social network (can you hear the irony?).

However, after some days passed, we realized that the tolerance to alcohol began to increase. We made Wine-A-Ritas every weekend. During work days we tried 1 or 2 glasses of wine along with dinner… our excuse being that ‘drinkcember’ happens once a year and we couldn’t let it go to waste.

A small restaurant in our neighbor (which we love and always go for special occasions) was our destination for Christmas Eve… we ate until our bellies ached, and drank enough to fell content and relaxed.

 The walk home was 3 blocks in a really cold weather but we managed to arrive without precedent (my spasticity increases with alcohol and heels, but since it was a short stroll, I survived).

That weekend, we had the 6^th most important snow storm in the last decade, hence, we went out and drove the deserted streets of Manhattan with 6 inches of snow building up by the hour… completely irresponsible, but is not everyday that you get to see (or not see… considering the 10% visibility) Manhattan covered in white.

By New Year’s Eve, the alcohol in our house was reduced to almost nothing… we had succeeded in the difficult task of consuming 6 bottles of wine in a whole month (sarcasm… you think?).

For some people, partying and club hoping are fun ways to enjoy the start of a new year, my husband and I enjoyed a fondue during dinner, drinking wine and watching the Times Square ball event that happens every year.

What can I say? We enjoy each other’s company… and it’s really too cold outside to motivate us out of the house… and it’s a crazy scenery on the streets, where everyone is too excited for their own good.

So, in the end, this was our first holidays alone since we got married.

We realized that youth and adventure go hand-in-hand in our lives (what white the surprise flight fiasco, the driving in the snow... and other events transferred in this blog), however, craziness and partying it’s a whole new level of youngness that we decided not to pursue… low alcohol levels and decent sleep hours are something that we don’t want to give up.

Therefore, if you’re looking for a night out in the city, with lots of booze, long nights, sleepy days and crazy events… don’t count with us.

Convivio Restaurant (www.convivionyc.com)

We decide to take a trip… and “Hitch” tags along

No, this is not the story of how we met Will Smith at the airport…. although I wish it would had been.

My husband had this incredible ‘last minute’ idea of taking a plane to Argentina and surprise my father for his birthday.

Experience tells me that ‘last-minute-anything’ tends to go-south starting from the first minute, but we didn’t listened to our instincts and bought two round trips for the weekend.

My husband’s brother was in NY, so we had lunch with him prior to starting our adventure… arugula and prosciutto crepes were enjoyed over New York tap water.

We headed to the airport, high-spirited and full of excitement for the prospect of becoming the advanced Christmas presents to fifty members of my family (yes, we already covered the extent of my father’s side clan).

Whilst driving, a small bird defecated over my recently washed car, so being the clean freak that I am; I cleaned it with a baby wipe when we arrived.

Immigrations happened without any incident and we decided to peruse some bookstore and find something entertaining to read for the 17-hour trip ahead of us.

 While doing this, I started to feel strangely warm (considering that we were in a -2°C weather) and I removed my sweater and scarf… this brought some itching to my neck and I started scratching nonchalantly until I realized that I was rubbing my scalp… did I had lice? I didn’t think that after 20-year out of primary school the lice would’ve decided to make me theirs again, so a visit to the bathroom settled my curiosity… I definitely didn’t had lice, nor any type of bugs over me, however, I was starting to show some red areas in my stomach and my neck, as well as my whole face.

I assumed this was something related to a temporary itch, so I went out to look for my husband. He saw me and understood that something wasn’t right, so he insisted on going to the pharmacy to get an anti-allergic.

I stayed seated on a coffee shop and my ears began disturbing me, I couldn’t stop scratching them… this added to the fact that now all of my upper body parts were on fire.

I have a high-tolerance to pain and disturbing things… my husband doesn’t like this because I never get sick or complain about being sick, however, when I do have a problem, we usually end up in the E.R.

I called him (because it couldn’t take more than 5 minutes to get some medicine) and as soon as he saw my call, he realized that I was in utter and complete discomfort (I never call him for these things).

He run back and I swallowed four pills immediately, while staring at my wrist watch… the medicine was suppose to be effective ‘within 15 minutes’ and I wanted desperately to feel the ‘instant relief’.

My ears became bigger and my neck was scorching red, as well as my underarms, my back, my stomach, my inner thighs… I couldn’t concentrate hard enough to prevent myself from scratching and that’s when… even though I kept saying that I was A.OK… my husband; who knows something about ‘desperate circumstances calls for desperate measures’, requested the airport doctor.

Not 2 minutes later, I had an EMT with a defibrillator (he thought I was unconscious), two paramedics checking my vitals (they received a distressed called of someone dying on an airport gate), an oxygen mask tide to my face (allergy and asthma don’t mix too well… and I, supposedly, had both) all of our bags strapped to a stretcher and me and my husband, riding over the airport runways in an ambulance headed to the nearest hospital.

Needless to say that when we got home, it was midnight, we were exhausted, I felt renewed after that cortisone IV that reduced the swelling and the itching and the redness and the hives…. we missed our one-time opportunity to visit our family in an over Atlantic adventure, though.

However, we had our adventure … not cross-oceanic, not family related, no barbecue was involved… we spent 4 hours at the hospital, they drugged me until I was white enough to ease their minds that I wasn’t going to die of respiratory failure, we shared an overcrowded E.R. area full of sick people… and most importantly, we learned that ‘last minute’ anything, is not something we’ll be trying again soon.

As for my allergy, if it was the prosciutto, the arugula, the crepes or the bird’s crap… we’re not sure... what I definitely know, is that I’ll not be trying those in the near future.

Feeling under the weather

What does that expression mean?

We’re always under the weather, considering that the climate conditions are reflected in the sky, so all of us wake up every day feeling “under” the weather…. However, stupid people use this expression to express a mood or a feeling, like when you’re sad or going to be sick.

I really can’t put my finger on it.
I feel under the weather all the time… if the day starts like today: cloudy, cold, gloomy… I’ll most sure will feel under the weather… a “pilarsicle” working with the only purpose to be back at my comfy house, warm and toasty.

I’ll have to come up with a different phrase to express my “comfort (or uncomfortable) situation” when I’m coming down with a flu or something… maybe I can say: I’m feeling like the weather… but that will only work if it’s an awful day… the sun wouldn’t replicate my state if he’s too shiny and I’m too ‘grey’. 

I could say: I’m feeling opposite to the weather.. if it’s too sunny for my ‘sick’ state.

That’s it… Like or Opposite.
I think it’s catchy and a bit less moronic that Under.

So today, I’m definitely feeling LIKE the weather… I’m not coming down with the flu, but I’m sleepy and cold, I want to be at my home, cuddling with my pillow and burrowing under the covers.

I’ll love to be feeling OPPOSITE to the weather.

We're definitely UNDER it… but that doesn’t explain to you how I’m feeling at all.

To be more specific, I'm like the weather, wanting to be opposite and definitely under.

Blood makes you sisters… and personality makes you different

My sisters were visiting for Thanksgiving.

My big sister “S” was here for the first time since I moved. Her first visit was ages ago, so her memory needed to be refresh with new sightseeing, lots of pictures and different places to walk through.

My twin sister “D” has been in NY with me for, at least, 4 times since I moved, so for her was more about the time spent together, enjoying her new Kindle acquisition, the cooking-bonding process and so on.

I had to work some days of the week, but I got to spent Thanksgiving holiday with them… me and my non-born-from-me child: the turkey.

We named them after me because of a joke that has been around since my first turkey… my husband’s cousin said that my turkey was the best he had ever tried (I assume because he didn’t want me to feel bad after my first try) and from then on, the turkey and me share my name…. so when my husband asks:

-          Where is “P”?

Someone will answer:

-          In the oven … or in the kitchen

My sisters are two very different persons.

“S” was known for her volatile character when we were younger, however, she outgrew the need to yell at everybody (‘the world against me’ drama) and now she has a nice patience and lack of promptness that is soothing and unnerving at the same time.

“D” is a hurricane… always doing, pushing, moving, talking… she’s not the best listener but can be great to give good advice when needed and she’s one of the most reliable persons that I know.

Both her characters are so different… our characters are sooooo different… that you wouldn’t think we’re related if you’re blindfolded hearing us talk
“S” would be soothing the conversation, avoiding conflict and trying to bury the issue… good intentions but I get exasperated sometimes when I want to yell my throat off and I can’t.

“D” is the opposite, looking for a conflict at the round of every corner… it doesn’t matter if you’re talking about the weather, she’ll probably take it personally for the poor rain that’s being criticized for wetting everything and she’ll be over you like a lion.

Me… I can’t shut up. I need to learn to be polite and choose the moments and the time to be brutally honest, and accept the fact that everybody is not always ready to hear what I have… need… to say.

Needless to say, that blood makes us sisters… we’ll always have each other, for better or for worse, with turkey or not, sunny day or raining men… but our personalities are what defines us.
Separated we're three very disturbed (or not) persons… together, we’re completely and utterly perfect!

Heels and winter… not a good combination

Cold weather is here, and with it, came the snow, the morning dew turn to ice, and my increased inability to walk in heels from my car to the office.

13 steps a day that seems like the longest running track with difficult obstacles, when in reality it’s just the sidewalk, some pavement, and the door… but, the obstacles are the worse: wind, ice and snow.

Heels and me have a long lasting relationship going on… sometimes I decide to leave them and stick with my comfy flats, but since I occupy a responsible position in a company, I cannot show to work dressed as a student, so I try to befriend my shoes and accept their high heels and their pointy toes.

Designers never thought on women’s feet when they came up with the idea of heels… less in winter and the added difficulty to wear them… because if they would have had, round toes and flat shoes will be the latest fashion and everyone will be wearing them, specially on this time of the year.

But, we’re stuck with boots that are too tight and too high for my flat, square feet, and the matter that I don’t have an arch, doesn’t help the matter.

So every morning, I turn off my car, switch my tennis shoes for my high heel boots and try to walk, without falling on my butt in a spectacular fashion in front of every co-worker… most of the times I manage it by doing the process really slowly, like a 1-year-old kid that’s just learning to walk.

This strategy works to perfection, and when it doesn’t, I just pray that my pants aren’t damaged after my stumble, or that my heels are still intact, and then… I consider my body parts:

-          Ankles… check, no broken bones there

-          Butt… sore, but intact

-          Hands… no scratches

-          Shame… growing by the minute

Is on this days were I pray for winter to be over and summer to come back with its scorching hot days… too bad that the nightmare is barely starting.

Innovation… anyone?

This was the header of the newspaper this morning… I read it walking my way to the elevator on our neighbour’s front door (my only true ‘news reading’ is a 3 seconds stop to know if the world is coming to an end… or not… mostly not).
Bearing in mind the fact that I consider myself a most boring person, with a square type personality, set to become an hermit before turning fifty, reading my books and drinking coffee.. The newspaper’s header touch my self-esteem and I decided to write a bit about true innovation… the one that happens every day, even though it doesn’t get notice by the whole population of the world, mainly my husband, my dog and me.
Cooking… innovative cuisine is something that you’ve to experiment by default when moving to a new country were ‘calabaza’ is “butternut squash” or “pumpkin”… or ‘semillas de cajuil’ is “cashews… or ‘tomillo’ is “thyme”… just by going to the grocery store you get confuse by all the different names and even though you have your grandma’s recipe with you to get everything for that chicken casserole, parsley gets confused with basil, and so on… at the end, you have what it looks like a chicken casserole but smells like an Indian dish… all spiced up and smelling strong.
Drinking… innovative drinking comes with the territory when living abroad. One always has to try new brands, flavours, drinks. I’m a weak drinker, so other than a different juice flavour, I don’t try new stuffs, however, my husband and I made a trip to the vineyards and came back addicted to ‘wine-a-rita’… so I have to consider that as an innovation in my life.
Dressing… innovative dress codes are a given when you live in one of the Fashion capitals of the world… I would have never consider to use leggings before (my big butt and all), but here, leggings are a fashion statement that improves your appearance while making you look sleek and cool.
Pet Care… yes, as you know, I have a dog and he’s also been innovating on his diet (orange treats that taste like pork, or green treats that make your mouth smell like grass) and on his care routine… with special “play days” with his mates from the vet’s office or grooming sessions to improve his looks.
Technology… the most important innovation of this generation.
Since I’ve moved to NY I’ve acquired a razor for sweaters, a nail trimmer for dogs, a ultra light, ultra thin, ultra fast hair dryer, an iPad (for my hubby), 4 iPhones (we change them every year) and an egg cooker that can do amazing omelettes, eggs Benedict and poached eggs in less than 3 minutes.
So… to the New York Times editor that choose that header to come out on the Wednesday edition… please revise your choices for a selling front cover and try to asses more important matters, like traffic jams on the Long Island Express way to improve my driving time to work, or the subway on the 2nd avenue, so my husband doesn’t have to ride the subway like in a sardines can every afternoon, or even grocery prices, so I don’t have to travel 40 miles to do my grocery shopping in ShopRite at a reasonable price.

Innovation… everyone? Duh!

A cup o’ Joe from "Star-kin" for this Jane

There’s a bickering going on between coffee drinkers about the quality and taste that compares Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts when in need of a caffeine fix.


I’ve had the experience of having to throw away a Starbucks coffee because it tasted like burned horse piss; so I decided to move my 2 dollars into Dunkin Donuts coffee for a test.

True facts is that the ambience it’s not as nice as Starbucks and the pastries offered are reduced only to Donuts and Bagels, rather than a nice Cranberry muffin or a Lemon Loaf; however, the coffee smells and tastes fresh (no burnt smell to be found) and you’re in and out with your drink before you can say Jack Robinson (I cannot use the work Cock to replicate the Spanish phrase).

It’s a great choice if you’re having it in your office rather than staying on location to drink it.

Timing is another big issue for my impatient self, because wasting more than 3 minutes in buying coffee it’s more than I can cope with. I hate being in line waiting and it’s worse when I’m behind someone that wants their “Tall, Decaf, Non-foam, Skinny, Caramel Latte… with sweetener”.

I mean, how complicated can it be to order a coffee straight from the menu?

I had a discussion on Sunday regarding this matter. One Peruvian guy tried to convince me that Starbucks was the best coffee ever, without ever having tried Dunkin Donuts… needless to say that his argument wasn’t strong enough to change me (nor my caffeinated self); however mine, was strong enough to place an ounce of doubt into his brain… he’ll be trying a Chai Latte from Dunkin Donuts soon enough.

Dear tourists: keep crowding Starbucks’s ordering line, keep clustering the tables and seats, breathing the burnt coffee aroma each store breaths and maintain our Dunkin Donuts lines free and clear, for me to order my Latte in an acceptable timely fashion, without getting dizzy or crush by ignorant coffee drinkers who don’t understand the difference between a Cup of Joe and a Cup o’ scorched Joe.
 
Now while we're on the subject, how incredible would it be to be able to enjoy a mix between Starbucks and its pastries, as well as Dunkin and its coffee in the same shop... Star-Kin, with a decor between an Italian kitchen and a German billiard room, white tiles with wood furniture... NOT!